KNOWING WHEN TO MOVE ON

One of the greatest privileges we have is opening our home and teaching people the Word of God. Week after week, people sit around our table, open their Bibles, ask questions, drink coffee, eat something, laugh, talk, and learn about Jesus. Some of the greatest moments of discipleship I have ever experienced have not happened behind a pulpit. They have happened sitting across a table from somebody who is beginning to understand the Word of God for themselves. There is something special about watching somebody connect the pieces, ask the questions they have probably been afraid to ask somewhere else, and begin to realize that they can actually know what the Bible says for themselves.

Because I believe so strongly in Bible study, I am willing to work for one. I will invite people. I will follow up with them. I will rearrange my schedule when I can. I will teach somebody who knows absolutely nothing about the Bible, and I will answer the same question more than once if that is what it takes. If somebody misses a week, we can pick it back up the next week. If something legitimate comes up, we can reschedule. I do not expect somebody who is just beginning their walk with God to already have the consistency of somebody who has been living for God for twenty years. People have jobs, children, sickness, family problems, transportation problems, and lives that can sometimes be pretty chaotic. There has to be grace for people.

But I have also learned that there is a difference between being patient with people and continually chasing people who are showing you that they are not interested right now.

JESUS INVITED PEOPLE, BUT HE DID NOT BEG THEM

There is something interesting about the ministry of Jesus when you begin paying attention to how He dealt with people. He was incredibly compassionate. He went out of His way for people everybody else ignored. He ate with people religious society rejected. He touched people others would not touch. He stopped for people when everybody around Him wanted Him to keep moving. There is no question about His love for people. But at the same time, Jesus was never desperate for somebody to accept what He was offering.

He invited people to follow Him. “Follow me.” “Come and see.” “If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink.” There was an invitation, but there was also a response required from the person being invited. When the rich young ruler walked away, Jesus did not run after him and start renegotiating the terms of discipleship. What makes that account even more powerful to me is that Mark specifically tells us that Jesus loved him. Jesus loved the man, told him the truth, gave him the opportunity to follow, and then allowed him to make his decision.

I think there is something important for us to learn from that. Loving somebody does not mean I have to continually chase somebody. Sometimes loving people means keeping the door open while recognizing that, at least right now, they are not ready to walk through it.

HUNGER USUALLY REVEALS ITSELF

I have noticed that when somebody genuinely wants something from God, you normally do not have to manufacture all of the momentum. That does not mean they are going to be perfect or that they will never miss anything. New people forget things. Their schedules can be chaotic. Their lives may be incredibly messy. Some are dealing with family problems, work schedules, addictions, broken relationships, transportation problems, fear, embarrassment, and a hundred other things that we may know absolutely nothing about. That is why I try to give people a lot of grace.

One cancellation does not bother me. Somebody missing church one Sunday does not cause me to decide that they are not interested. I am not keeping a scorecard on people. What I am looking for is a pattern. If every Bible study has to be rescheduled, if I am always the one initiating the conversation, if there is continually another reason they cannot make it, if they repeatedly do not show up, and if there is no real interest in coming to church or continuing what we started, eventually I have to recognize what they may be telling me without actually saying it: they are probably not ready right now.

That does not make them a bad person, and it does not mean they will never be ready. It just means that I cannot create hunger in somebody. I can encourage it. I can teach the Word of God. I can pray for them. I can love them. I can make myself available to them. I can make sure they know the invitation is there. But at some point I have to understand that I cannot want God for somebody more than they want Him for themselves.

THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE WAITING

This is where I think we can sometimes make a mistake in evangelism. We can become so focused on the person who keeps saying no that we fail to notice the person standing nearby who may be ready to say yes. Jesus said in Matthew 9:37, “The harvest truly is plenteous, but the labourers are few.” I think we ought to pay attention to what Jesus identified as the problem. He did not say there was not enough harvest. He said there were not enough laborers.

That means my time matters. My evenings matter. The time my family gives up so that we can have somebody sitting around our table matters. There are only so many nights in a week, and there are only so many people that any one of us can personally teach and disciple at one time. If I have a certain amount of time that I can devote to personal evangelism and discipleship, I want to be a good steward of that time.

That does not mean people become projects or numbers to me. It does not mean I only love people who respond the way I want them to respond. It certainly does not mean that somebody who is uninterested today will always be uninterested. It means that I recognize there are people all around me. Somebody else may be praying for understanding right now. Somebody else may have questions about baptism. Somebody else may be lying awake at night knowing that something in their life has to change. Somebody else may have walked into church last Sunday wondering whether anybody noticed them. Somebody else may be ready to sit down at the table and open a Bible.

I do not want to spend all of my energy knocking repeatedly on one closed door while God has other doors standing open around me.

SHAKE THE DUST, BUT DON'T BURN THE BRIDGE

Jesus gave His disciples an instruction in Matthew 10:14 that can sound harsh if we do not understand what He was teaching them: “And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet.” Jesus was preparing His disciples for the reality that not everybody they approached was going to receive what they were offering. Their responsibility was to go, preach, teach, invite, and give people an opportunity to respond. Their responsibility was not to force somebody to respond.

I think there is a lot of wisdom in that for those of us who teach Bible studies. There are times when I need to move on without becoming offended. That part is important. I do not write somebody off. I do not get mad because they canceled on me. I do not decide they are hopeless because they stopped responding to my messages. I do not avoid them the next time I see them because they ghosted three Bible studies. I can still love them. I can still speak to them. I can still pray for them. If I see them at church, I can still walk across the room and shake their hand and tell them I am glad they are there.

The invitation remains open. My pursuit just changes.

There is a big difference between those two things. I can leave the door open without standing at the door begging somebody to walk through it.

MOVING ON IS NOT GIVING UP

Sometimes we think that shifting our attention toward somebody else means we have given up on the first person. I do not believe that at all. Paul said in 1 Corinthians 3:6, “I have planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase.” That verse has helped me understand that I do not have to be involved in every part of somebody's story for the part I played to matter.

I may only be planting. That Bible study that lasted three weeks before they stopped answering may still have planted something. That conversation after church may have planted something. That invitation they declined may have planted something. That Scripture we talked about around the kitchen table may come back to their mind six months from now when their world is falling apart. I may never see what God does with the seed that was planted, but that does not mean the seed was wasted.

Sometimes somebody else is going to water what I planted. Sometimes I am the one watering something that somebody else planted years before I ever met the person. I have learned that I do not have to control that process. Paul planted. Apollos watered. God gave the increase. My responsibility is to be faithful with whatever part God allows me to have in somebody's life, and then trust Him with the rest.

LOOK FOR THE HUNGRY

I believe one of the most important things we can learn in personal evangelism is how to recognize spiritual hunger. Listen when people start asking questions. Pay attention to the person who stays around after church wanting to talk. Notice the person who keeps coming back. Listen when a coworker suddenly starts asking what you believe about something in the Bible. Pay attention when a family member who used to shut down every spiritual conversation suddenly begins listening. Notice the guest who asks when the next service is or the person who says, “I have always wondered about that.”

Those little moments matter because hunger often shows itself before somebody knows how to describe what they are feeling. Jesus said in Matthew 5:6, “Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.” There are hungry people around us. I want to find them. I want to teach them. I want to make room at my table for them. I want to open my Bible with them, answer their questions, pray with them, get them connected to the church, and help them begin building a relationship with Jesus Christ.

And while I am doing that, I can keep praying for the people who were not ready.

Because sometimes, six months later, the phone rings.

“Hey, are you still doing those Bible studies?”

Absolutely. Come on over.

The table is still here. The Bible is still open. The invitation never expired.

I just kept working the harvest while I waited on you to get hungry.